Freaky Dreams

This is going to be a weird post, so consider yourself warned!

Okay, I've had some weird dreams in my life, but never have I had a dream that was so real that it carried over into my life. Rarely do I dream about the details, or remember them, which is why this one upset me so much.

Last night I dreamed that a man came to our office building and started shooting people for the hell of it.

The dream opens, and I'm sitting in the conference room in a meeting. It was definitely our office building, though the layout of our office suite was different than it really is. But I specifically remember the people who were there...for example, our receptionist Jan was there at the front desk, but her hair was different. I remember what the spreadsheet looked like that we were going over. We had clients in the office going through some contracts with us, and our HR guy warned us of the shooter by printing out a memo and handing it out casually, like he shouldn't interrupt important business going on.

The shooter was on the 5th floor (I know, like why would I remember that?). I started to run, but I remember going back to my desk to get my purse so that I'd have my car keys. I could hear the elevator ding signaling its arrival on a floor below us, and heard yelling and gunshots.

I remember climbing out a window with a few other women in the office (even though we're on the 12th floor and our windows don't open), but anyway, we crawled out a window and down a brick wall that sloped down to the street. It was dark outside, even though it was mid-morning. Once we got to the sidewalk, you could hear this guy yelling from inside the building, and I turned and looked up at the building and could see the spark of the gunshots through the window because the lights were off in the building. We started running.

There were people laying face down in the grass and hiding all over the place right outside the building. I kept thinking, why are they still here, why don't they keep running? It's like it was a car accident, and everyone has to slow down to see what's going on. Everyone was glued to watching it unfold.

Then almost instantaneously, he was outside shooting those same people, and since we kept running, he came after us because he could hear Judy's heels hitting the sidewalk (remember, it's dark so he couldn't really see us). I kept trying to tell her to run quietly so he couldn't hear us, but she wouldn't listen so he kept following.

We got to my car and I was desperately trying to unlock it, but he was right behind us...then I woke up.

I laid awake for a long time, too scared to fall back asleep because I could still see him in my mind. He was ethnic, though I can't say if he was Asian, or Hispanic, or Middle Eastern, though he did not have an accent, but he was wearing a black ball cap and a yellow shirt and jeans.

After I started to drift off, I was back in the office again, frantically looking for a place to hide (it's like one of those books where you get to choose the ending...I got to choose a different reaction). I first thought that I need to turn the light off in my office so he thinks I'm not there to look for. Then I grab my purse for the same reason, and then debate which is the better hiding spot...the file room that has a lockable door and lots of boxes full of paper to hide behind, or underneath my desk. Then I woke up again.

I laid there a little longer, then drifted off again. This time I was back at my car, but not with my co-workers, rather girls I grew up with and haven't spoken to in years. The shooter hadn't come outside yet though. We were hiding behind my car because I was afraid that trying to drive away would just attract his attention. But Lindsey wasn't keeping quiet or hiding. She was sitting straight up trying to have a conversation with us, and he found us that way. I woke up again for the last time and stayed awake all night with scenarios running through my head.

I finally fell asleep at a little after 5:00, and DH's alarm went off at 5:30. I was so scared that it was a premonition, that I had a hard time coming in to work today. How do you call in for that? "Sorry, I can't come to work today because I'm pretty sure some dude is gonna shoot up the place, but y'all have a great day! Hope you survive and I see ya tomorrow!"

I had to call DH and ask him what I should do. Of course, he's my voice of reason and always has to remind me that God is in control. If it's my time to go, then it's my time to go, but I just have to trust Him to protect me. But it was very weird walking into the office this morning with my dream playing out in my head. Even more strange that as I sit here and type I can look across the hall and see that file room with the door standing wide open.

So far, so good, though. No maniacal killers on the loose as of yet.

See, I told you it was freaky.

Welcome to Wyoming!

It was great...not as good as the HAND concert, but great nonetheless. We arrived at about 6:45 and had to walk all the way around Frontier Park to the gate where "standing room only" was. There were already masses of people there, so we were off to the left of the stage and no where near the front. Not to mention is was all dirt and there were tons of people taller than me in front of me.

We got free glow in the dark bracelets to wear, and they were selling beer in the tall cans, WooHoo! The opening band was Oxygen from Omaha, NE, and they were actually pretty decent.

DH was pissed most of the time because not only did we have to stand the entire time, but we must've had signs on our foreheads that said "go ahead, squeeze by me to find your friends". We had a steady stream of people squeezing through right in front of us, or right behind us the ENTIRE concert. Honestly, after it got dark, I don't know how anyone found their group again. And really, why do people think that they MUST go get more beer right in the middle of a concert?

Then the chicks in front of us spent the whole concert text messaging and taking pictures, reviewing them, deleting them and taking more. That totally grated on his nerves. So since he was being poopy, I didn't have as much fun as I could have.

Saw some chicks go at each other because the one bumped into her while squeezing past. It's incredible how oblivious some people are, or intentionally rude they can be. Next time, I'll do whatever I have to to get seats.

I was surprised about the set list...they didn't play nearly as many songs from Lost Highway as I thought they would, which was actually cool, they played some great old stuff that everyone knew. I was shocked they didn't play You Wanna Make A Memory! I was really hoping Big & Rich would be there for We Got It Goin' On, but no such luck. They don't play until this Friday night with Cowboy Troy and Gretchen Wilson.

Cheyenne, WY Setlist - 7.20.07
You Give Love A Bad Name

Lost Highway

Whole Lot Of Leavin’ Going On

Born To Be My Baby

It’s My Life

Radio Saved My Life

Runaway

I Love This Town

We Got It Going On

Who Says You Can’t Go Home

Sleep When I’m Dead

Bad Medicine

Encore:

Wanted Dead Or Alive

Livin’ On A Prayer

Their set felt really short...they were on from 9:00 to 10:30. I'm guessing there's some noise ordinance and they had to be done by a certain time because there are literally thousands of houses that surround Frontier Park. It's like right in the middle of all these residential neighborhoods - bordered on 3 sides by houses, then by the Interstate on the west.

My pics didn't come out very good. I had so many people in front of me that were tall, or everyone had their arms up, that I couldn't get many clear shots. Plus, I put the ISO on 1600 and forgot to change my autofocus for moving objects, so lots of them are blurry. I tried to get some shots from the big screen on the side, but they kinda sucked too.

The rodeo was fun! Our seats were two rows up from the arena, just to the right of where the bull riders and bronc riders came out. We were in full sun the entire time, but they have misters installed over top of that entire section of seats. The calf roping and steer wrestling was at the far end from us, but we still got to see most of it. The announcers were hilarious and were dressed as clowns out in the middle of the arena all day. Bought my first cowgirl hat (after the rodeo so the top of my head is a little red), but I dig it and DHsaid I look hot in it, LOL! I'll have to take it to TX in December so I fit in ;)

I bet we'll go back next year, and maybe we'll get tickets to a REAL country music concert. I would have loved to have seen Reba McIntyre. I'm crossing my fingers for Carrie Underwood next year!

On the road to the rodeo

I'm taking tomorrow off in anticipation of heading to Cheyenne Frontier Days to see Bon Jovi perform and go to my very first rodeo!!! I'm not much of a cowgirl, but it's always fun to go somewhere new, try something new, and do it all with my best friend and love!

I've been rockin' out to Lost Highway for the past few weeks trying to learn all the words to all the songs so that I can act like my usual backup singer self for Jon and the boys. In all the recent interviews, Jon's been quick to say that it's not a country album, but that it's Nashville inspired. For the most part I think that's probably true, but you can hear a lot of country undertones in most, if not all the songs. Surprising enough, my favorite tune on the album is "We Got it Goin' On" with Big & Rich. It's reminiscent of the old Bon Jovi days...a little harder and heavier with lots of guitar. Otherwise, I love "You Wanna Make a Memory", "Summertime", and "Seat Next To You".

So, I've been wondering since LeeAnn Rimes and Big & Rich are scheduled to perform at CFD, will they make a special appearance with JBJ to sing their duets with him? Hmmm, one can only hope.

I've been debating on taking in my Rebel with my zoom lens. Since we're in the "standing room only" section, we could be close enough that I don't need it, but I could get some really amazing shots with it too. The website says that still cameras are okay, just no video cameras, but I'm still wondering if they'll pitch a fit when they see the size of my lens. And then there's the size and sheer weight of it. It's supposed to be quite warm tomorrow, and am I gonna wanna carry it around on my neck for the evening? (can't take the bag in, cause I'll have my purse, and you can only bring one bag in --- oh, wait, maybe I should just put my camera in my purse, duh!!!)

Concert begins at 8:00, doors open at 7, but the website says come early to get in line if you have "standing room only" tix. Wonder how I can convince DH to stand in line longer than he's going to want to? I think I'll tell him the concert starts at 7:00 then act like I didn't know! Is that bad? ;) So, since the concert begins as the sun will be setting and it will get dark, I must read up on my manual tomorrow to make sure I know how to keep the shutter open long enough for decent pics.

I'm gettin' pretty excited! I've been waiting for this day since March when I found out Bon Jovi was playing CFD! Sure wish my buddy Kris was going with me!!!

My First Photo Session

Knowing that I would have all the women in my family in one place at the same time made me very eager to capture the moment! So, I had my mom tell them all to bring a white top and khaki bottoms and be prepared for a photo shoot. Here are some of my favorites from the session:

Okay, this is a page right of ScrapJammies' book, but I loved it then, and love it now!

The End!

Sister Update

It feels like it’s been a really long two weeks. Each time I blink, I feel like I could close my eyes and sleep for days.

I don’t know that I told you that W broke the news to me over email, and we only communicated via email for over a week. At first, I was a little offended, but in hindsight it was probably best since we were able to keep more emotion out of it. Had I spoken directly to her, I’m sure I would have said something that hurt us both and potentially strained our relationship for a while, if not forever.

I finally spoke to W on the phone on Wednesday night on my way home from an Avalanche hockey event. I had a couple of drinks there, which is probably good, because I think it helped me be more honest with her without getting angry. We talked for about an hour, and there was lots of crying, but God put the words in my mouth that I think He wanted her to hear.

After I hung up with her, she must’ve called my parents to tell them, because I spent an hour on the phone with my mom on Thursday morning. As you can imagine, and just as I suspected, she was very distressed by the whole situation. She said she hadn’t slept all night, and had finally fallen asleep at about 7:15 that morning, only to wake up panicked at 8:00 and late for work, so that just added insult to injury.

Since W broke the news on the phone to my mom, there were a lot of angry words exchanged and they both got defensive and said more to each other than was really necessary. Like I said earlier, I’m relieved, now, that I had a chance to process on my own before I actually spoke to W (AND my mom).

Praise God that I was given an extra week to process my emotions and get amazing advice from you all. I remained very calm, and although I acknowledged and validated my mom’s feelings, I was able to relay all the objective and positive points she needed to hear. Again, God put the words in my mouth! I think she may have felt a little angry that I had known for over a week, and that I wasn’t as deeply upset and commiserating with her at that exact moment, but I think you all know that yes, I’ve been there, and I’ve felt everything Mom was going through. It must’ve hit a chord with her, because she sent W a long email apologizing for some of the things she said, and it helped W let down her guard as well.

So all along, I was planning on picking W up at the airport on Friday. It only makes sense since I live 15 minutes from the airport and I was going up to Loveland for our girls’ weekend anyway. Well, then my mom wanted to go pick her up so that they could have some time alone before my mom saw her in front of everyone else. But she wanted W to make the decision about who she wanted to pick her up, like she’s going to choose me over Mom at that point. So I left work about 12:30 on Friday, called Mom as I was heading home to pick up my stuff and pack my car. I asked her how she was doing today and she says “right now, I don’t think so good, I’m on the other line with Sandi” then “shit, I locked my keys in my car.” Okay, my mom never swears, so I knew she was on the verge of total meltdown. She asked if she could call me back, and of course she could. She calls me back and says Sandi is on her way to pick her up and take her home to get her spare key, but she’s still planning on driving to the airport to pick up W. (It’s an hour drive, mind you, and it’s only an hour until my sister’s plane arrives) I wasn’t going to argue though. She asks if she can call me back, of course she can call me back. So I get home, pack up my car, and I’m ready to get on the road, but I wait for her to call me back. She calls me back and says that she just got her car unlocked and that she thinks she can still make it to the airport on time because W’s plane left a little late. It’s 1:20 and her flight is scheduled to arrive at 1:35, but I’m still not arguing. Then she asks if I think she’s crazy, and I said “yes, Mom, I think you’re crazy…because I’m just like you and I know that if it were me, and I was planning a scrapbooking weekend for six people, and trying to do stuff at the last minute to get ready, AND I needed to be at the airport in 15 minutes, but had an hour drive, I would be freaking out.” And she laughed (thank God) and said I was right and asked what she should do, because she still wanted to see W for the first time away from everyone else and didn’t want W to think she didn’t want to come get her at the airport. So I offered to go get her (since I was already on my way to the airport!) and bring her to Mom’s house first so they could spend a few minutes together before we headed over to my Gram’s for the weekend.

Just as I pulled up alongside the curb, W had just come out the door, and we were on our way. I had to explain the whole story to her of course, since she was bracing for an hour ride home with our mother. We stopped to grab lunch on our way, ran by Walgreen’s to pick up some pictures she had printed from Snapfish (which is a pretty cool service!), and got her home to see Mom for the first time. It was emotional of course, but since Mom had a little time (but not too much time) to process her emotions, it was relatively calm and happy.

We spent the rest of the weekend with my three aunts (Mom’s sister and both brother’s wives), Gram, and the three of us. We scrapbooked all night and all day, watched some chic flicks, had massages, ate great food that Gram made for us, and giggled a lot. I even did a photo shoot of all of us with my new camera and tripod on Sunday before we all headed home.

I went home with them to my parents’ and that’s when we all (including my dad) finally had an open talk about the baby, M, and the plans for the future. Lots of crying, but good conversation, and I think W recognizes that even though we’re all willing to give M a shot and get to know him, that they have a long road ahead of them. She’s in process of trying to break her lease so that they can start looking for something cheaper, but more appropriate for a family (of course, my mom is less than thrilled that she’s planning on moving in with him now, and “two wrongs don’t make a right”). They’re planning on staying in California , which I expected since he has a 4-year old daughter there already and his family is there. I told her that I think they need to find a church that they like and start getting involved, and more importantly find someone to help them with their own faith and their relationship. Most churches make you do that anyway when you’re getting married, but I feel that it’s really important now that they’re bringing a person into this world. W didn’t like the word “counseling”, but that’s really what they need. I saw my dad cry for the first time since 1995 when my grandpa died, and he said how much he missed having us both at home.

We met DH for dinner in Denver , then Mom and Dad took W back to the airport to go home.

W decided that it wasn’t the right time to share her news with the rest of the family, so we’re all still bracing for that.

So all in all, it was a nice weekend. It was good to see her and hug her and let her know I still love her, but it was also a little tough to keep up appearances in front of everyone else. Not to mention that scrapbooking all weekend totally wears you out anyway. We’re not in the clear by any means, since there is a long road ahead of us all, but we’re in a much better spot than we were two weeks ago.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for me, for W, and for our family. I could not have gotten through any of this without you!

Sister Update

I was pretty torn up Tuesday afternoon and night. When I got home from work (how I made it home in one piece without killing myself or someone else on the road is beyond me), I put on my p.j.'s and crawled into bed and just sobbed, heart wrenching, body shaking sobs. Now I'm just getting used to the idea, and you know it doesn't really surprise me. She's always had to do things her own way, even though it's always the hard way. She still hasn't told our parents, and she says she doesn't know but thinks she's due sometime early February.

Lots of emotions running through me about it, but honestly, the deepest and hardest to deal with is the jealousy. I know that sounds horrible, but I can't help but feel like our excitement about having a baby soon just totally got deflated and then stomped all over. My parents, my mom especially, are going to be so upset and disappointed, so I feel like her pregnancy will trump mine no matter what. I hate that I feel that way because I love my sister so much, and her baby didn't ask for any of this. Ugh!

DH convinced me to get out of bed and have dinner with some of our friends. I had three beers at dinner to help me calm down and sleep, but our stupid neighbor was shooting off illegal fireworks until 11:15. And I'm sure he only quit because I finally dragged myself out of bed and peeked my head out the back door to figure out who it was. He must've saw/heard me because he lit the last one then scurried around cleaning stuff up and getting rid of any evidence in case I called the cops (which I was about ready to do). Then I could not for the life of me fall back asleep, so I took my pillow and blanket out to the couch and finally fell asleep, but I must've slept funny because I've had a stiff neck since yesterday morning.

That aside, yesterday was actually a pretty nice day for us. We finished cutting up the tile that we needed to finish the hallway and linen closet, so now we just need to light a fire under our butts and get them set and get the whole thing grouted. It all looks so nice though, even if it isn't finished. Since we have most of the tile set, and the other pieces laying where they go, it really does give you an idea of what it will look like done.

That took us most of the morning, then we cleaned up and headed to our friends, Rob & Jen's house for dinner. We had ribs, potato salad, grilled veggies, watermelon, jello parfait, and Texas toast! It was good! Got home last night and another one of our stupid neighbors must've started a fire or hurt someone with fireworks because there were two firetrucks, an ambulance, a police cruiser, and three volunteer firefighters parked outside our house with all the lights going. We never really did see what happened. I felt bad for Reese since we left her home alone. The fireworks don't seem to bother her, but I can't imagine how freaked she must've been when all those sirens pulled up in front of the house.

Today's been a rough day, just trying to get out of bed this morning to come to work, and it's so quiet around here anyway with almost everyone on vacation. You know how it takes you a few days to recover from a good cry? My eyelids are heavy, and my eyes are so tired today.

Thank you all for listening and being here for me. Your words are comforting and you all said at least one thing that made me think about the situation a little differently than I might have without you. I know our family will get through this and it will make us stronger, it's just hard to take the broken heart right now. I pray that God will make M the man that He wants him to be and in turn will become a source of stability, strength, and comfort for my sister.

I would ask one more favor from all of you...please pray for my parents' broken hearts and disappointment to be healed quickly so that we can move forward and be the love and support that W needs from all of us.

Much love to you all, Jenn

Prayers needed

Ladies, I need some major prayers for our family right now. My sister just told me, I mean literally just now, that she's pregnant via email. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head and heart right now, I don't know what to do or say. I'm positive that my parents don't know yet, and she's coming home in a couple of weeks for the weekend, so I'm expecting that it will be a long, unhappy weekend. We all need God's guidance right now.

I don't know what else to say. I'm totally speechless.

My Country 'Tis Of Thee

I just want to wish you all a very happy and safe Independence Day tomorrow. I hope each of you pause to remember the reason for our celebrations, that it's not just about getting a day off of work, it's not about gorging ourselves with BBQ, and it's not about how big and entertaining the fireworks are. Of course, all that seems pretty awesome, but at the same time it seems so shallow. I wish more people in this country truly felt a sense of pride and patriotism and remembered all those men who died to make us a free nation.

May you all enjoy your time with family and friends as we celebrate our freedom! God Bless America!