Sister Update

I was pretty torn up Tuesday afternoon and night. When I got home from work (how I made it home in one piece without killing myself or someone else on the road is beyond me), I put on my p.j.'s and crawled into bed and just sobbed, heart wrenching, body shaking sobs. Now I'm just getting used to the idea, and you know it doesn't really surprise me. She's always had to do things her own way, even though it's always the hard way. She still hasn't told our parents, and she says she doesn't know but thinks she's due sometime early February.

Lots of emotions running through me about it, but honestly, the deepest and hardest to deal with is the jealousy. I know that sounds horrible, but I can't help but feel like our excitement about having a baby soon just totally got deflated and then stomped all over. My parents, my mom especially, are going to be so upset and disappointed, so I feel like her pregnancy will trump mine no matter what. I hate that I feel that way because I love my sister so much, and her baby didn't ask for any of this. Ugh!

DH convinced me to get out of bed and have dinner with some of our friends. I had three beers at dinner to help me calm down and sleep, but our stupid neighbor was shooting off illegal fireworks until 11:15. And I'm sure he only quit because I finally dragged myself out of bed and peeked my head out the back door to figure out who it was. He must've saw/heard me because he lit the last one then scurried around cleaning stuff up and getting rid of any evidence in case I called the cops (which I was about ready to do). Then I could not for the life of me fall back asleep, so I took my pillow and blanket out to the couch and finally fell asleep, but I must've slept funny because I've had a stiff neck since yesterday morning.

That aside, yesterday was actually a pretty nice day for us. We finished cutting up the tile that we needed to finish the hallway and linen closet, so now we just need to light a fire under our butts and get them set and get the whole thing grouted. It all looks so nice though, even if it isn't finished. Since we have most of the tile set, and the other pieces laying where they go, it really does give you an idea of what it will look like done.

That took us most of the morning, then we cleaned up and headed to our friends, Rob & Jen's house for dinner. We had ribs, potato salad, grilled veggies, watermelon, jello parfait, and Texas toast! It was good! Got home last night and another one of our stupid neighbors must've started a fire or hurt someone with fireworks because there were two firetrucks, an ambulance, a police cruiser, and three volunteer firefighters parked outside our house with all the lights going. We never really did see what happened. I felt bad for Reese since we left her home alone. The fireworks don't seem to bother her, but I can't imagine how freaked she must've been when all those sirens pulled up in front of the house.

Today's been a rough day, just trying to get out of bed this morning to come to work, and it's so quiet around here anyway with almost everyone on vacation. You know how it takes you a few days to recover from a good cry? My eyelids are heavy, and my eyes are so tired today.

Thank you all for listening and being here for me. Your words are comforting and you all said at least one thing that made me think about the situation a little differently than I might have without you. I know our family will get through this and it will make us stronger, it's just hard to take the broken heart right now. I pray that God will make M the man that He wants him to be and in turn will become a source of stability, strength, and comfort for my sister.

I would ask one more favor from all of you...please pray for my parents' broken hearts and disappointment to be healed quickly so that we can move forward and be the love and support that W needs from all of us.

Much love to you all, Jenn